- Leah Outten
Is there a baby in there?
Is there a baby in there?
That's what my 3 year old asked me a week or so ago, pointing to my tummy.
I laughed and said, "Nope, I don't think so unless God has other plans!"
Turns out He did.
Last Saturday I was washing the bacon grease off the breakfast pan when I got a whiff and I suddenly started gagging. It was then I knew something was up. I was nauseous off and on for a few more days, which is super weird for this to start already.
A few days ago I saw those very familiar two pink lines to confirm my suspicious, but I was still in shock. We weren't trying. In fact, I'm utterly confused when this baby came to be because we were even in a dark place in our marriage during when I thought I ovulated, barely speaking. The fact this baby is here tells me God wanted this little bean here. I see this baby as a gift because recently I was set free from years of strongholds that were making my marriage suffer. Our marriage has never been so enjoyable and strong as it is right now 9 years into it. This baby was a blessing out of that seeking of the Lord, the healing of myself and of my marriage. That's a beautiful thing!
No, the timing is not what we hoped. I wanted to skip this month to not have another February baby (this will be our third!). I wanted to make it past June at least so I wasn't nauseous during my plane ride to Texas or in front of 1,000 people when I'm speaking at the Pro-Life Conference. And, Mark and I had wanted to go somewhere special for our 10th anniversary next year. Alone. Not nursing or pregnant.
But...but...
For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts. Isaiah 55:9
There is so much comfort in that. I find peace that I'm not in control and this is HIS perfect timing for our family. Our perfect number. To be honest, I didn't completely feel done with our family size. I felt close, but I wavered and could never decide. I truly felt like I was sitting on the fence able to see both sides of the decision and would be okay with either. Now, I've jumped off into the green grass and I'm all in! I am so excited-- honored-- that the Lord trusts us yet again with a child. I get to do what I love most with the body God gave me. I love growing a child and delivering him or her into the world. There is so much literal physical growth and milestones that I treasure, but also spiritual growth for me. God always, always teaches me things about myself during this time. It is a challenge I face with pride and excitement.
I was made for this.
I mean, we've got the space and we've got lots of love. What's another at this point? :-) And yes, with 3 girls (4 if you count Anna) and 1 boy...we are rooting for a sweet baby boy. We will love either, regardless, of course! But all our kids have begged and prayed for a baby boy for Jaxson to have a brother for years. So far the extra sickness aligns with my experience carrying Jaxson. I've felt for years the Lord would gift us another boy, this could be it! When I pray about and submit our wishes before the Lord, I hear the soft whisper I will give you the desires of your heart in return. So, I'm putting this out there to see how the Lord moves in our lives when I look back down the road.
The catch is...we aren't finding out this time! Mark has begged to not find out since our first child together, but I could never do it. Or, I was on board with it until we got to the 20-something week ultrasound and we caved. With Sadie we did the gender reveal party, which was fun. I figured why not add another level of excitement to pregnancy and birth-- and make my husband's wishes come true? I just won't have an ultrasound done this time to save me from my temptations :-P