- Leah Outten
Updates and Tantrum Pity Parties
It's been a while, no?
Life is busy these days. And tiring in every way-- seeing how I have 3 kids and growing a 4th. Plus a husband, a house, and a cat that found us to take care of. We've had some issues here and there with our children, like anxiety and sleep, or the terrible terror that Ashlyn can be as she approaches 2 years old next month. Some days are so good, and some are so long and overwhelming. And truthfully, I haven't had much brain power to sit down a write except for other places like Adoption.Net. My husband and I have been known to fall asleep on the couch by 8 or 9 some nights! We're just tired. This is a hard phase in life, surrounded by little people all the time. But, of course, glimmers of joy remind us why we keep doing this and why we are so excited to meet Sadie in February to add to the mix.
My life these days revolves around all those things above, but doTERRA has quickly become one priority as well and I love it! It feels good, just like with writing, to be paid for something I am passionate about. Helping others to improve their health with gifts from the earth-- from God's creation-- is so fulfilling and fun. I like having purpose outside of this home, outside of motherhood. But, I like that I can do it at home within my motherhood! What a beautiful balance that is.
Pregnancy wise, I'm 31 weeks now with Sadie and feeling it. Some days I still feel great and enjoy it. The absolute best part of pregnancy is feeling her movements, I love it. Feeling my children's movements from the insides gives me clues as to their personalities. Makes it all worth it! Some days though when I've over done it, standing too much, doing too much, I feel it all over and I'm ready to be done. And the hormones! Oh, the hormones. I literally will cry at anything these days. Really silly things.
Last week my sobbing in Trader Joes' check out line felt justified though. Prior to shopping, I had a cat poop on my spot in the bed, cat pee on the curtains (she was mad we left her at Thanksgiving apparently), Ashlyn tearing apart special items, climbing on the counters, etc. (you truly cannot take your eyes off her!) and I really didn't want to go grocery shopping but I forced myself too. I wish I hadn't. See, Ashlyn has always been a ninja-super-escape-artist of the belts in carts. Now that she's almost 2, it is impossible. I know people passing by wonder why I don't buckle her-- it's because there is no point. She also cannot sit still now and has a very loud voice. Snacks only last about 1 minute of distraction before she starts screaming, throwing herself out of the cart, or trying to eat the food still in packages. So, by the time I'm halfway through my shopping trip she is DONE and throwing a fit. I'm flying through the isles with her on my hip/baby bump so she doesn't bash her head on the floor, Jaxson in tow swinging on the cart like a monkey, and my inside stress-o-meter about to hit max force. I make it through, surely missing things on my list but just ready to GO, but then we have to stand in line. Ashlyn doesn't like this one bit and continues to try to escape my arms while screaming. Nothing will console her and I feel so overwhelmed and can just feel the judgement of others burning through my confidence, "She can't even handle the kids she has, and she's pregnant again. HA!" Then the hormones kick in and I just can't stop the tears.
Pity party in line 4!
The people around me were so sweet though, despite my fear of judgement. The cashier gave me free flowers. A mom behind me gave me some encouraging words and a gentle touch on the shoulder. I wanted to hug her, but I thought that might be weird or make me cry more. I surely hope Ashlyn is getting all this terrible-two-ness out of her system now before Sadie arrives. And props to the awesome Trader Joes and their customer service. My favorite store for so many reasons.
Adoption wise, things are quiet and peaceful as we both are busy and respect that we have 2 separate lives. We visit soon though and we all look forward to when our lives intersect once again, even for a few hours.
So that's life in a nut shell-- or a grocery cart-- right now.